The Stupidest ‘Stoptober’ Tips You’ll Ever Come Across

Pumpkins, big bags of sweets and crunchy autumn leaves – what’s not to love about October?

In a word? Stoptober –  the over-zealous advertising campaign, to be exact.

Now, we’re all for quitting the cigs, but being bombarded with tips, tricks and advice on how to quit the death sticks for good is not our idea of fun. Especially when most of what we’re hearing – and from reputable sources we might add – is quite frankly stupider than the notion of taking up smoking in the first place.
Here’s some of the best (worst) tips we’ve had shoved in our sceptical faces so far …

‘Think Positive’

So you’re grumpy, cravings are taking their toll and all you can think about is taking a puff on a cigarette and ending the torture. But don’t worry – just ‘think positive’ and those ‘positive vibes’ will power all your cravings away. Right?

‘Make a plan to quit smoking’

Well, duh. Because plans always go exactly as anticipated, don’t they?

‘Change your diet’

You love an after-dinner cigarette. But a US study has revealed that some foods (including meat and pasta) make cigarettes more satisfying. We know it’s hard enough giving up one thing you love, but hell, why not make your life even more miserable and give up spag bol and burgers too? Revelling in all out misery is surely the way forward.

‘Change your drink’

Following on from the last stellar piece of advice, you should probably give up your favourite drinks too – just to make the whole quitting experience more authentically terrible. Fizzy drinks, alcohol, tea and coffee make cigarettes taste better apparently – so ditch them all and make do with plain, tasteless water. It seems the general consensus is the more miserable you feel, the less likely you are to fall off the wagon…. Makes perfect sense to us.

‘Make non-smoking friends’

Your smoking friends probably won’t want to hang out with you now you’re all cranky – so ditch them! Hang out by yourself when at a party, or if you can, try and get in with the non-smoking crew. It might look slightly odd – after all, you’re a random stranger joining a group of friends – but hey, you’re all non-smokers now so you’re bound to have stuff in common.

‘Get moving’

So you’ve given up your favourite foods, swapped tasty beverages for bland old water and stopped hanging out with all your friends. But why stop there?  Go the whole hog and add working out into the miserable mix. Forgo your morning lie in and punish yourself with a morning run or some burpees – the pain will probably distract you from the all-consuming desire to smoke. Until you stop doing the burpees that is, then the cravings will probably be back – with a vengeance.

So there you have it. 6 tips that will have you well on the way to a smoke-free life, apparently.

Erm, we don’t know about you, but the forecast for Stoptober is looking pretty miserable. We think we’ll ditch the tips and get ourselves an e-cig…